Halloween Edition: Under The Skin (2013) Movie Review

Under The Skin (2013) Review

This movie review will literally save you an hour and forty minutes of your life. 

This movie starts out so weird and slow. I have no idea what is going on or what this movie is even about. First I'm starring at a light, than an eye and than following someone riding a motorbike. It just gets weirder and weirder and just when you think it's a normal scene, nope, it tricks you by getting even weirder. Out of the 1 hour and 42 minute run time of this movie, over 1 hour and 20 minutes is spent without any words. There may be background chatter in the mall scene and talking on a radio channel but there is only about twenty minutes of dialogue from Scarlett in this whole movie. Seriously, I counted. 

Basically Scarlett picks up men in her van, brings them back to a house where they both slowly undress as she walks backwards and the man walks towards her. Somehow the man ends up walking into a black abyss while she still walks backwards. Then we see him submerged in this black abyss, completely naked with his penis still erect. This whole scene happens with several different men. It's disturbing. 

Throughout this movie I came up with so many questions:
1) Did anybody leave the theater during this movie?
2) Why am I still watching this movie?
3) I wonder if I need to pick up more hot dog buns?
4) Why am I still watching this movie?
5) What would possess Scarlett to want to be in this movie?
6) What should I have for dinner tonight?
7) SERIOUSLY, WHY AM I STILL WATCHING THIS MOVIE?!

If this movie hadn't been part of my Halloween movie reviews, I would have turned it off in the first fifteen minutes. I have learned from all the years I've spent watching movies, if the beginning is bad, they rarely get better. This is by far the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life. Why Scarlett Johansson chose in be in this movie and why she chose this to be the first movie she's naked in baffles me. 

If in fact you're only watching it to see Scarlett naked than I will help you out. Watch the first 10 minutes and then go to 1:17:06. You're welcome. 

This movie is like a very old house. It would be much easier to demolish the whole thing and start from scratch rather than say all the ways that it could be improved. You've been warned. 

Grade: Z----------

Check back tomorrow for a horror movie review from a 1983 title!